Grief , holidays, and support

Back in July my Mom passed away unexpectedly. After her passing people have come to me with all sorts of suggestions on how to deal with my loss and grief. Some of those people understand what I am going through. Others have no idea what it is like. Then there are others who don't think it is a good idea to grieve the loss of a loved one. Put a period and move on they say. Everyone grieves in their own way at their own time.

I have experienced a lot of loss in my life. I have dealt well with it for the most part. However, I think loosing Mom has been very hard on me. I have done a lot of praying and looking to God for help. I have good friends that have been their for me through all of this.

One of the hardest times during the grieving process is the holidays. I remember 21 years ago today my dad passes away. That first Christmas was hard. I was 15 and my sister was 10. No one could have thought that we would have dealt as well as we did. Dad always brought Mom flowers at the holidays. I could tell that on the first Christmas Mom was sad that she didn't get the flowers. Another thing that made that Christmas hard was that we use to go get a live tree with dad. That first Christmas people that we knew who had a Christmas Tree farm brought us a tree. We had lots of support at that time.

It is the same now after the loss of Mom. People opened their homes to my sister and me of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Some have even made us feel like a part of the family. Having that much love and support is great. It shows that people really care.

However, there are those that choose to not take advantage of the support that is offered them during the holidays. You have to let them deal in their own way. Don't push them. Offer support to them. Let them know that they are not alone in this.

Support groups are great. However, you need to take caution before joining one. One thing you need to consider is who is running the support group. Is that person a trained professional? If not you need to stay clear. Often times groups ran by people who are not trained professionals tend to be gossip centers. I was asked to join a support group after Mom died and I said no. I had been told by people that I trusted that the group was only a gossip circle.

If you know the people in the group well and trust them then go ahead and join. Often times joining a support group ran by people that you know will make it easier to go. You will feel more at ease. In any case you need to decide if joining a support group is right for you.

In the end grief is a slow process. It is different for everyone. Don't let someone tell you how to grieve. Do it at your own time and in your own way. You will see the light at the end of the tunnel in the end.