I Look At You

May 22, 2011 will be a day that I will soon never forget. It was the day that most amazing blue eyed man came into my life. I will be forever grateful for the 6 years we had together.  When you are together with someone for that long a time you never forget how special it was when it comes to an end. It is hard to move on with life.

May 22, 2011 I received a Facebook friend request and a message from a man I didn't know. He went on to tell me that we had a mutual friend that had set us up. At first I was skeptical, but I wanted to give him a chance.

For the longest time we got to know each other. We chatted on Facebook almost every day for hours. It was good getting to know him. It took me awhile to admit that I was falling for him sight unseen. He was charming and could charm me into feeling things for him even when we had never met.

For the longest time that is all we did. Chat each day on the computer. I would try to make time to meet him and get to know him better, but it seemed that he could not see me when planned. I would make plans for a date and the day before our date he would come up with what I now say was an excuse.

We had a lot of excuses for a very long time. I wanted to see him in person. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to have a life with him. Then one day it finally happened.

After 5 years of talking on the computer I finally pinned him down to see me. I told him that I was coming to the Fair on Thursday Night to see him. I told him that I would meet him at the exhibit hall. So I left my house at about 4:00pm that night. I got in the car and drove the 49 minute drive to the Fair. I was so nervous. I had never done anything like this before.

I got to the Fair, parked the car, and entered the gate. I was still very nervous. I went to the exhibit hall and I know I must have went through it about 5 times till I decided to sit on the deck to wait. I waited and waited. A part of me was so afraid that I had made a mistake in coming that night. I was so afraid that he was not going to show up.

Finally he did. The story was that he was not going to come that night. However, he needed to get out of the house for the evening and told his dad he was going to the fair. Apparently he didn't read my message that I was going to be at the fair that night. He was very surprised to see me.

The best part of that night was when we sat on a bench and just talked. I looked into his blue eyes and I just melted. I was in love right then. I didn't want that night to end. I was so happy. The whole drive home all I could do was think about his blue eyes. I went to bed that night thinking about his blue eyes.

For the longest time his blue eyes were all that I could think about. He was all that I could think about. Now during the time that we had known each other I would often email him. So I decided to send him a very long email telling him how I felt. Plus I wanted to make sure that I told him that I had a great time with him.

I did have some regrets. I wanted to kiss him and didn't. I wanted to hold his hand and didn't. I wish I had done those things that night. However, that night was magical.

After that night we went back to talking online. I had made plans again to see him, which he broke off often. I should have realized then that we were not going to go far. I had begun to fall for someone that didn't want me.

Finally the Monday after Easter we met again at the park. That day was so special. I will never forget it. I will never forget how he made me feel that day. I fell head over heals that day. Our first kiss was amazing. His touch that day was like Heaven. His arms around me felt so good. I didn't want it to end, but it had to.

I wanted to see him again and make things work. I wanted a real relationship. I wanted that day in the park to go on and on. Things happened that caused us to break up after 6 years. He has moved on. I still love him.

I will admit it that I want him back. I am still to this day in love with him. It will take a long time for that to change. Sure I have dated before twice in fact. Both of those times I was able to get over my now exs very quickly. Those guys hurt me very deeply. It was best that we break up.

This one however, is not so easy. He is my first love. He is my forever He is the one and only. How do you move on from that?

They say time heals, but I don't buy it. If I could I would have him back in my life. I would be in his arms. I would have him kiss me. I would have him forever.

Right now I pray for him and his new girl. I hope that they work out. If they don't I hope that he will come back to me. I love him still and will love him forever.

First loves are hard to get over.

I still look at pictures that I have of him. I have one in which he has the bluest eyes ever. That is my favorite. I look at it often when I am missing him. It reminds me of the good times we had.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. I think that his eyes are the windows to his heart. I think that when I looked into his eyes that night at the Fair that I melted the walls that he put up around his heart. I know that he melted mine.

The way he made me feel made me know that I was loved. He will forever be my one true love.