Falling In Love

opia

n. the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable—their pupils glittering, bottomless and opaque—as if you were peering through a hole in the door of a house, able to tell that there’s someone standing there, but unable to tell if you’re looking in or looking out.

I can still remember the first time that I looked into Jeremiah's eyes. They were so beautiful and blue. I wanted to stay in that moment forever. At that time I had not quite figured out how I was feeling, but on the drive home that night I sure did. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in love. One look into the eyes of the most wonderful, amazing man in the world and I had fallen hard. 

The second time that I looked into his eyes I was so in love that I didn't want that moment to end. I wanted to stay right there in his arms feeling everything that I was feeling at that moment. I wanted that moment forever. 

However, that was not meant to be and I became heart broken. It has been almost a year since the break up and I still to this day am not over it. I feel that when you fall in love for real that it is hard to get over it. 

I have hopes that he will come back to me one day, but I know that I can't hold out that hope forever. I need to move on. He has moved on with his life. He has found someone new. My hope is that he is happy. I hope that she makes hims happy and treats him good. 

I pray for Jeremiah everyday. I pray most of all that he comes back to me. I pray that he is happy. I pray that he has found love. 

My heart is broken and I fear will never heal. I found love and lost it. I still at times can see me looking into Jeremiah's eyes and seeing his soul. I could see into the heart of the most amazing man that I had ever held or looked into the eyes of. It was something special. 

I hope that one day I will be able to do that again. Be able to find love again. Be able to look into the eyes of love again. Be able to be happy in love again. It will take time, but it will happen.