I am blessed:
Tonight I took Aunt Joem and went to the church Blue Christmas Service. There were not many there and the service was not long. However, the message was good.
I love Christmas and I struggle to find the joy in the holiday. I have so many memories of what use to be and those that I miss that I feel blue.
As I sat there listening to Mr. Funkhouser speak I was reminded about when dad passed. Dec 9, 1994 and I blamed God for taking dad from us. I blamed God for making Mom sad all the time. I hated to feel that way, but Aunt Virginia said that how I felt was normal. It took me awhile to put those feelings to rest.
Fast forward to December 2009 (10 years ago). Kaylee and Allaina had just been killed. Those feelings of blaming God had come back. I hated God because I blamed him for taking those I loved away.
Then in a moment of talking to God and telling him that I hated him for the loss it was like God hit me over the head. He was trying to tell me that what I as feeling was ok, but that I should not blame him. That in fact I could lean on him for comfort. That in that moment I realized that God cared about my grief.
We all go through the stages of grief differently. We all deal with grief different. It is ok. However, we need to lean on God to see us through our pain.
We need to make use of those we know who have been where we are. Talking to others helps us deal with the pain. We them have support to help us through.
